Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
