would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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