WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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