Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
