if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
