Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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