I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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