This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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