One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
