I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
