I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
