I'm pants shitting drunk right now
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
