I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
