dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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