after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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