also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
