Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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