um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
