You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
