Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
