i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
