The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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