so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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