I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
