i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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