im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
