just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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