Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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