Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
