Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
