shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
