no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
