dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card