***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
