she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
