As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.