So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Terrible idea I love it