dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
