so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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