Duck Duck Cougar?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
