what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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