ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize