Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
