were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
50% drunk capacity currently
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
