I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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