Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
