Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
