I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So much rum. So many feels.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
