Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
