I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
