Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
