This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
