My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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