1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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