The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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