All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
