I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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