I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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