did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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