I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He felt like a one man threesome
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
