Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
