GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
