I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
