I think i peed on brittanys purse
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
