he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
