my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
