I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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