Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
