READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
