I think i peed on brittanys purse
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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