i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
