How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
