that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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