Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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