I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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