The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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