I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have aggressive nipples.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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