I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
